Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | June 14, 2008

why it’s hard to pray

It’s hard to pray.  Period.  When I first became a Christian in high school, I simply didn’t know what to pray.  Then, as time progressed and “things” happened, there were times when I just didn’t want to pray.  Now that my so-called job is to pray, I am facing, yet again, the difficulties of prayer.

I think that my lack of desire to pray stems directly from two tragic misconceptions about God.  First, if I am really honest with myself, I do not fully believe in His power to answer prayer.  Second, I have no idea how much He loves me and enjoys me. 

Let me explain.  My prayer life, prior to coming out to KC, consisted primarily of five minutes of “thank you for this” and “help me to do this”.  Suddenly, I found myself thrust into an environment of people where it is natural to pray for 5, 6, 7, 8 hours a day.  I was astonished, to say the least.  Yet after a couple of months in this environment, my prayer life is drastically changing. 

Trust me, I’m really not that spiritual.  I am not even prone to sitting for long hours.  But, throughout the last few months, things are starting to change.  Mindsets are starting to shift.  I am learning and experiencing and believing that God really does love me- even with all of my flaws, my inconsistency, my failures, and my weakness.  He loves me!  He doesn’t just tolerate me.  He actually loves me.  When this realization gets a hold of you, and I mean really gets a hold of you, something changes in your heart and you desire to pray! 

The best example I can think of is a child who believes that his or her father either dislikes them or is uninterested.  How much do you think that child is going to want to talk to his or her father?  But when you know and feel that God really enjoys it when you sit before Him and pray, you are going to suddenly find that you desire to do it a heck of a lot more.

Second, prayer has become more enjoyable, and even more necessary in my life, because I have seen an acceleration in the category of “answered prayer”.  When you see someone walk into the room with a pain level of 9 and walk out feeling no pain, what other option do you have but to keep praying?  Don’t get me wrong, there are many, many, many things that I am praying for that have not come to pass yet.  However, it is the wisdom of God that He set up His kingdom in such a way that everything, even prayer, is based around relationship. 

Proverbs says that it is the glory of God to conceal a matter and it is the glory of a king to search that matter out.  Moreover, Jesus consistently spoke about the knocking, the asking, and the seeking.  It’s the story of the judge who finally gave way to the widow because she was persistent.  Or it’s the story of the man who finally conceded and offered his friend some food because he kept asking.  God set it up this way so that we would stay in relationship with Him.  Isaiah 30:19 says, “[God] will be very gracious to you at the sound of your cry; When He hears it, He will answer you.”  It’s that simple!  He invites us to ask and He loves to answer.  But He requires that we ask, and keep asking, and keep asking… because how can you ask without knowing the person that you are asking! 

All to say, it is hard to pray.  I know this!  What I need, and if you will allow me to be bold enough to say what the Church needs, is a personal revelation of God’s enjoyment and His power.  So, if you feel up for it, join me in praying… “Lord, I need you to reveal how much you enjoy me and love me and I long to see your power”!   


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