Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | March 4, 2009

i miss him

It’s Day 1 of our trip… and I just have an overwhelming sense of, “I miss Him”.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love vacation.  I love the idea of “getting away” and embarking on a journey.  I love to rest and to relax and to laugh and to eat great food.  I love to spend time with friends and especially with my husband.  These are all incredible blessings from the Lord.  And for those of you who don’t know, we’re spending a few days at one of Russell’s college friend’s house in Breckenridge and doing Russell’s favorite thing in the world: skiing. 

But in the midst of it all, I cannot cover up this aching that I have inside of me.  I mean, we’re living it up out here– and yet I find myself on the verge of tears because deep down, I still want more. 

I want the living, breathing, vibrant relationship with the Lord that Scripture talks about… truly.  I want to talk with Him, not just to Him.  I want to the abiding like Jesus described in John 15.  I want the communion.  I want the fellowship.  I want the nearness.  And I want to wage war against everything in my life that is hindering these very things that I desire. 

I don’t know how else to articulate it.  Maybe that’s why Scripture calls it a groan.  And somehow, that settles me right now… knowing that I don’t need a well-crafted prayer… knowing that I cannot earn this… but knowing that when I don’t have the words to say, Someone is praying for me.  Someone is contending for me.  Someone does not sleep or slumber.  Someone is watching over me, smiling upon me, loving me, leading me, and drawing me closer, nearer, and higher.  What an incredible God we have.

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