Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | May 29, 2009

broken promises

“all man’s empty promises lie broken at Your feet… still You have never broken one”.   -luke wood chorus-

in a culture where we are often measured by what we can offer…  i’m feeling pretty small.  it’s been said that the prayer room here at IHOP is like a spiritual greenhouse.  most days, however, it feels more like the wilderness to me.  most days, it feels more like the threshing floor.  and slowly but surely, i am giving in.  not giving up… but giving in.  i don’t have any blossoming ministry.  i don’t have a tangible calling.  i don’t have much to show for the last two years, atleast not on the outside.  “so, what are you doing there in kansas city?” i have been asked. 

want to know the real answer?  the one that i don’t say that often because i prefer not to scare away the person asking the question…

dying.  that’s what i have been doing. 

and there is nothing pretty about it. 

this week?  it’s dying to my striving.  i love to think that i actually have something to offer.  i love to think that i’m devoted, that i’m faithful, that i’m “sold out”.  but truth be told, i’m pretty weak.  i’m pretty unfaithful.. disloyal.. and rather complacent.  i make a lot of promises to God.  and i break the majority of them.  there is nothing more painful than staring your barrenness directly in the face and not being able to do anything about it except for hitting your knees. 

but then, right in the middle of the tears and snot (yes, there has been snot), God has been whispering to me.  He doesn’t wait until i clean myself up.  He doesn’t wait until i keep 5 promises in a row.  He whispers to me when i feel the dirtiest… when i feel the weakest…  and He has been telling me that He loves me.  and He’s been telling me that He’s proud of me. 

there is no one like Him.  and His love.. truly.. is better than life.

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Responses

  1. He is proud of you..and admires you and your heart and even your actions. HE seriously enjoys every minute of life with you Ejer- even more than i do 🙂

  2. oh, this is goood….thank you for showing us your raw heart. Makes me want more of Him!

  3. Thanks for being so real and reminding us of the powerful, redeeming, faithful love of Christ!

  4. I disagree about the whole dying part, it is much more beautiful than you think 🙂

    Who would have thought anyone would ask a husband if he’d like his wife to die and the response would be yes 🙂

  5. was watching ihop prayer room streaming video and jon thurlow was singing luke wood’s ‘you delight in mercy and you love to reveal your heart’ and so i searched on ‘all men’s promises lie broken at your feet’ and it took me to your blog – thanks for your obedient pressing in – and giving in not up – and sharing your experience – good stuff – thanks


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