Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | June 23, 2009

the difference between a break and a breakthrough

Russell is wanting me to unpack my last post a bit but that will require vulnerability– something that I only like to offer in doses. 

First dose:  My desire for a vocation.

I hear it all the time.  “So, what are you doing at IHOP?”  “What are you going to do afterwards?”  These questions have been getting under my skin and as a result, what once was gratitude for what the Lord was doing IN me has now become an unsettledness with what the Lord is doing (or seemingly not doing) THROUGH me.  I find myself scouring the craigslist jobs page, wanting to find ‘something to do’.  Afterall, I have talents and gifts and passions, right?  I even have a college degree.  I have experience.  I have dreams.  I have a longing to make an impact.  And I’ve been telling the Lord this– just in case He forgot.  Then one day, in the middle of one of our informative sessions, I felt like He whispered to me, “Impact me.  Impact my heart.  Would that be enough for you?”  Needless to say, the tears started flowing.  In my eagerness to impact the world, I have forgotten the joy, the value, and the privilege of impacting His heart.  I don’t need a new vocation.  Rather, I need to learn how to be content in all places, at all times, with all people as I pursue my true calling- to know Him.

Second dose:  My desire for a vacation.

Well, if I could just take a vacation, then I’d be fine.  I just need to get out of this place.  I just need to lay on the beach.  I just need rest.  I just need some fun.  But why is it that after every vacation, I find myself wanting another one, as if the first just didn’t suffice.  Why is it that at the end of the weekend, I feel less prepared to start the upcoming week than I did on Friday afternoon.  Why is it that my “Sabbath” is more often an excuse to have a selfish day to myself?  My desire for a vacation, for the upcoming weekend, and for my next Sabbath are rooted in my desire for rest.  But, I have a sneaky suspicion that my idea of rest is pretty different than what God intended.  I have a feeling that His rest is rest that I can attain in the middle of my busiest day, in the midst of a crowded party, and while I’m running from one meeting to the next.  The writer of Hebrews advised us to “be diligent to enter that rest”.  I’ve also heard it said that we can “strive to enter that rest”.  Entering it?  I thought rest “happened” when we exited everything.  What does it mean to enter it?  Again, I have a feeling that we can live in that rest– that mothers of 8 and CEO’s and med-school students can live in it.  I have a feeling that it has something to do with abiding. With communion.  With “practicing the presence of God” like Brother Lawrence said.  I have a feeling that it costs something, requires something, and demands something.  And I have a feeling that when I enter into it, suddenly, I won’t feel the overwhelming desire to leave for a vacation. 

Third dose:  My actual need for breakthrough.

It’s a common saying around the Capps household.  “You don’t need a break.  You need a breakthrough!”  While this concept is pretty self-explanatory, I will say that I have been learning a lot about my role in contending for a breakthrough.  Ultimately, it’s only the Lord who can make it happen.  But I have a role, too.  Lately, I have been having to remind myself constantly of the Truth.  It isn’t a passive thing.  Just like the David commanded his soul to praise the Lord, I have been speaking the Truth outloud to myself.  “He is good.  He satisfies.  He is enough.  He never fails.  His love is better than life.  In His presence is the fullness of joy.  He is worth it.”  Over and over again, I have been speaking it over myself.  Maybe it’s just me, but I am realizing that when I do this, some of the dullness in my heart is being broken off.  You see, my heart is easily deceived.  It often forgets.  It loves to wander.  And it has been known to rebel.  And I just can’t have it doing that… not if I want breakthrough.  So, I am taking charge and I’m not taking no for an answer and I’m feeling a bit like Jacob who refused to give up until he saw the breakthrough.  It’s laborious- but hey, God never said that it would be easy.  But He did say that it would be worth it.

So, that’s that.  I don’t need a break… I need a breakthrough!!

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Responses

  1. i’m glad he asked you to unpack it – shabbat. i too am on that road of discovering what it is to live in that REST. i’m a do-er, big time. i see glimpses of living in that rest, but as soon as i realize my mentality is different/i’m living in that rest, the enemy pounces with confusion/all sorts of other un-fun things (my hearts deceived). so i’m right there with you.

    a heart in CA is agreeing for the Truth’s you’ve been obedient in speaking to grip you in a tangible way. that you would be a rebel. to leave what people call normal (wanting to DO) and be what God calls normal (called to be still and know). be a rebel, girl… mmm REST.


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