Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | May 11, 2010

true sacrifices

“So, what do you do at IHOP?”  It’s the age-old question that is directed our way every so often.

Yet lately, I have found myself spitting out a different answer than before.  Instead of confidently saying, “I am an intercessory missionary”, I find myself answering the question with details of my responsibilities and descriptions of my activities.  It’s safe to say that the novelty has worn off.  I feel most of the time as if I am back in ministry mode… doing, doing, and doing, all the while forgetting why I came here.  It’s somewhat easy to say that I work in the prophecy department.  It’s easier to say that I work in the student affairs office at IHOPU, the ministry school branch of IHOP.  But “intercessory missionary”?  Well, that answer often just elicits a confused yet polite, “Oh, that’s nice”.

Somewhere along the way, I’ve chosen the easier route.  And it’s not just my verbal answer.  I find myself spending more time, devoting more energy, and working harder at the portion of my job where I minister to people and consequently, less time, energy, and devotion in my ministry to the Lord.  Yes, ministry to people is ministry to the Lord.  I know that.  But, it does not replace the ministry I can offer purely to the Lord, purely because He is the Lord.

IHOP has its flaws.  And more often than not, I am the one pointing them out.  However, I do believe that the one thing that is tragically missing from many ministries and churches, IHOP has gotten right…. and that is creating a place where the Lord is worshipped and praised 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year… for the simple reason that He is worthy of it.  Everything else is secondary.  Every ministry at IHOP is fueled by the Prayer Room.  Every act of justice.  Every class.  Every internship.  Every mission.  It is all fueled by the Prayer Room.

And yet somehow in the midst of a community that has created this incredible environment, I find myself trying to fuel my own work, my own ministry, my own marriage, my own friendships, and my own devotional life.  I find myself trying to lead out of my own gifting, serve out of my own capacity, and love out of my own resources.  Somehow, I have missed it.  Somehow, I have fallen into the rut of the Christian life… without Christ… yet again.

So what do I do?  Pull myself up by my boot straps.  Create a Bible action plan.  Tweak my schedule for the 75th time so far this year.  Get an accountability partner.  Those are all good… but yet they haven’t gotten me very far.  Because at the root of my problem is a little girl who thinks that she can actually offer something to God…. that she can actually do it by herself.

And so I find myself back at the beginning… wondering if it’s really this simple… wondering if this is really what God is like….  wondering if a ‘broken heart and contrite spirit’ are all that He is asking of me right now… and wondering if I can humble myself to the extent that I push away my other sacrifices and just collapse into His arms.

Psalm 51:17  “The sacrifices of God are a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  O God, you will not despise.”

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Responses

  1. “Somehow, I have fallen into the rut of the Christian life…without Christ…yet again.” I so relate to this!

    Thanks for such an honest and challenging post. Your heart for God is so beautiful! Love you, friend!


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