Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | October 17, 2010

Sunday Morning

It’s 10:30 on Sunday morning and as I sit down to try to write an update, I just don’t know what to say.  I have about 100 emotions and thoughts and feelings.   I could write all about how this has been the most incredible experience of my life and how I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I truly feel that way… but to be honest, I only feel that way about 5% of the time.  The other 95% of the time, I feel overwhelmed, severely inadequate, frustrated, sleep-deprived, and ready to quit.  I simply had no idea how difficult this would be.  My pride wants to share only about the 5% out of fear that my inadequacy will be severely exposed but my hope is that as I share about the 95% too, someone else may start to feel relief in knowing that they aren’t alone.  So, I will share about the 5% and the 95% because I am learning that both are just as valid.

That being said, I had no idea that…

1.  I could cry this much.

2.  I could be so tired.

3.  I could fall apart so easily just listening to Hannah cry and not being able to “fix” it.

4.  Nursing would be so painstakingly challenging.

5.  The thought of “I just don’t want to do this anymore” would show up on week 1 or that it would even cross my mind after months and months of anticipation and excitement.

However, I also had no idea that..

1.  My husband was such a rock.  He deserves a post of his own (like Bartakiss).

2.  My heart could feel like it does when I hold Hannah in my arms.  Every part of her tiny little body just seems perfect to me.  I find new things about her to delight in every day.

3.  Our experience isn’t that unique.  A huge blessing of this week has been the support I have received by women who say, “This is normal!  It will get better! I promise!”  The main voice has been that of my sister who has been my biggest support and source of encouragement and insight.  I could not have gotten through this week without her.

4.  Becoming a mom would force me to see my need for Jesus in a way that I have never seen before.  The occasional whispers of “I need you, Lord” have evolved into loud cries throughout the day.

All in all, we’re hanging in there, trying our best to adjust, continually asking for grace and strength, and knowing that it gets easier with time.  More to come…

Oh and here she is by the way:

Day 1:

Day 6

Advertisements

Responses

  1. YAY!! I’m SO proud of you… for the 5%, but even more for recognizing that the 95% is okay, real, and important. You’re already doing a great job. I’m so glad to see another picture of Miss Hannah and can’t wait for more! =)

  2. MOST ADORABLE BABY GIRL!!! and hooray for honesty!!! you’re the best. and so proud of you for a blog post so soon after her birth- VERY impressive.

  3. […] Learning about the birth of sweet baby Hannah Capps! […]

  4. I sent you an email that was too long for a comment!
    Love all 3 of you.

  5. Oh, Eliza Joy, you are dear to me! Continuing to pray here…

  6. Mamma Eliza Joy, you are going to be a wonderful mom because you totally accept the responsibility of it all. So much of the difficult part comes from being sleep-deprived and fear that you will do something wrong. It does get so much easier as you realize that your heart will tell you so much of what you need to know. I wish you were home right now so you could have some help with the little things. Love you. The Weltmans

  7. Eliza Joy ~
    First – congrats on the birth of your beautiful Hannah. She truly is a beautiful baby – and I am not just saying this. Corban and I heard that you all are in the hospital, and we were directed to your blog. Please know that we will be praying much. Praying for healing, peace, rest, and wisdom for the doctors. I won’t pretend to understand how hard this is for you all, but praying for your strength and perseverance.

    I know that you don’t know me well at all, but I just want you to know that that I too found the early weeks with a new baby to be by far the hardest of my entire life. (And just to give you some context – I haven’t had what most would consider an easy life:) I was shocked at how hard it was – and stunned by the number of times I wanted to ‘give up’ too and go back to my ‘easy’ life. I know you have lots of support around you and tons of friends, but if you ever need to chat with someone who felt it all, just let me know. I tell many people that having a baby ‘undid’ me. Looking back I see that the ‘undoing’ was exactly what the Lord wanted. I’ll be praying for grace poured out in your most weary and downcast moments. But for now – praying for your little Hannah’s health and healing.
    Blessings,
    Marcy


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: