Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | October 25, 2010

i was made for this…

The last few days, I have been convinced of the following regarding parenthood:

I was made for this.

I know it in my spirit.  It’s what we asked for.  It’s what God has called us to.

And yet as soon as the thought enters into my mind, it is immediately followed by the cry, “But I don’t want to do it anymore”.

Shocking, right?  Well, not as shocking as I thought it would be after talking to numerous moms who have echoed the dozens of feelings that are prevalent in my life right now.  Nine plus months of waiting for this precious little gift and all of a sudden I’d prefer to call it quits?  Surely there is something wrong with me.  Surely I’m missing something.

Or maybe this is exactly the way God designed it…. to bring me to the end of myself…  to show me that I cannot do it on my own.  This is evident of the daily breakdowns occurring in our house.  I cannot even come close to doing it on my own.  We are in full blown survival mode.  One day at a time.  One hour at a time.  And the best part of it is this:  If I don’t quit, I win.

This simple slogan has become my goal.  When Hannah is screaming at 1am for the tenth night in a row…  When her proclivity towards spitting up has her in her fourth outfit of the day…  When the gas in her little tummy is causing her to squirm and squirm and she refuses to be comforted, I just need to be reminded, If I don’t quit, I win.

God isn’t measuring my success by my ability to calm her down or keep her healthy, contrary to what I once thought.  Instead, I feel Him saying, “Just keep going.  You were made for this.  I will help you.”

It’s the same message He speaks to all of us…. in our marriages, in our jobs, in our callings, in our relationships.  Just keep going.  If you don’t quit, you win.  And when the temptation to quit is seemingly too strong, just lean in a little closer.  I will help you.

song of solomon 8:5

“who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her Beloved?”

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