Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | October 27, 2010

james 1

Last night was a challenging night.  Hannah decided to stay up until 2am and she decided to scream most of that time.  How did I handle the situation?  Well, picture me at 1am with ear plugs in, baby in the carseat, on top of the dryer, crying while watching a youtube video called “Happiest Baby on the Block”.  It is ok to judge…  I know that I sure have in the past.  But like I said in Monday’s post, we’re in full blown survival mode.  

Lately, Russell has been gently reminding me that my prayers cannot be focused solely on sweet Hannah.  I need to be praying for my own heart, too, because though it doesn’t feel like it right now, I know that it is possible to be sleep deprived and joyful.  It is possible to be patient with a baby who has been crying for hours.  It is possible to thrive during the worst hours of the day and not just merely survive.  I’m not there yet… in fact, I’m far from there, but that’s where I want to be.  If Hannah never cried, never spit up, slept when we wanted her to, etc….  I would miss out on the refining work that God is wanting to do in my heart now.  Sure, He would find another avenue but this is the avenue He has chosen for this season and I desperately want to embrace it. 

The verses below have been running through my mind all week:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

They have become my prayer.  Help me to consider this pure joy.  Help me to mature.  I am so prone to giving up.  Help me to perservere.  Help me to love my daughter well. 

The couple of verses following the one above have impacted me, too.  But more on that after I try to squeeze in a nap!

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