Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | November 2, 2010

day 5

Driving in this morning, Russell and I felt the same way…  like we were running on empty.  We didn’t leave the hospital until 12:30 last night as Hannah was having a really difficult time calming down.  For the first time during this stint, I started to become angry.  Angry that the nurse had waited too long to give Hannah medicine and now she was seemingly inconsolable.  Angry that the doctors keep changing the time frame for receiving the biopsy results.  Angry that it was 12:30 and we were exhausted and we were only going to go home for a few hours of sleep before having to come back and do it all again.  Angry that we don’t have answers and what if it’s not Hirschsprung’s?  Will we just have to wait three days for the results before we can discuss other options?  Angry that the monitor was beeping every few minutes for no apparent reason.  Angry that there are half a dozen tubes hooked up to my daughter so that she is confined to her crib and the chair next to it.  Angry that I couldn’t calm her down.  Angry that we see different surgeons and doctors each day and each one says something a little bit different.

Up until last night, I hadn’t experienced any of the anger…  I had cried over Hannah as she cried in pain but I had not wrestled with anger.  Just the fact that it was emerging was discouraging to me.  It had nothing to do with the doctors, nurses, hospital, or situation.  It was just showing me what already existed in my heart and I knew that I needed to lay it down.  Lay down my rights.  Lay down my emotions.  Give it all to Jesus.  And yet, it is easier said than done.

This morning, I feel a bit like I’m in a funk but as we prayed on the way in, we know that this too shall pass.  We are in need of endurance… whether this turns out to be a 100 meter dash or a 10K, we need endurance.

Most of all, my cry this morning was… Fill us up, Jesus.  Fill us up with Your spirit.  With patience and joy and strength and peace.  With endurance and hope.  Give us what we need for today. Give us our daily bread.

 

 

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Responses

  1. Kurto & I have been praying for you both. I don’t really have any words. Just praying. May you be filled overflowing with the compassion of the Father right now.

  2. praying and hoping we can come pray tonite if u guys feel up to it.. i will txt u! let it all out sista!!!


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