Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | November 9, 2010

this too shall pass… but

Good days and bad days.  Good parts of the day and bad parts of the day.  That is what we’ve been noticing.  Hannah will have a great day and then cry inconsolably for three hours at night.  Or, she’ll be off and on fussy all day and then have a really peaceful night.  We’re beginning to learn what is the ‘normal’ fussiness versus what is pain.  The latter is obviously the most difficult to deal with.  I have found that it is so easy to find myself riding the rollercoaster of Hannah’s “progress”.  Several good feedings and a dirty diaper will have me in a great mood.  Lots of pain and a hard tummy and feeding battles will have me in tears.  If I could only keep perspective…

Yesterday, thanks to my Dad and Mary being here, I was able to take a walk by myself.  I made it up to the church in the back of our development and sat for a while… well, what seemed like a while!  I prayed and cried and prayed some more and then I walked away realizing two things. 

1.  The verse from Psalms came to me right away.  “Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Put your hope in God”.  It is so easy for me to either put my hope in Hannah’s progress or to protect my heart from hoping at all.  The alternative is to hope in God… in His healing, in His sovereignty, in His timing, and in His plan. 

2.  I realized that in my rush for everything to be “better” or “back to normal”, I was missing out.  I know that this will pass.  It will get better.  Each day brings us one day closer to a more developed digestive system.  But in the meantime, something else is taking place.  I cannot control what is happening in Hannah’s body… but I can control my response to what is happening.  And that’s where the questions begin.  What are you doing through this, Lord?  What are you saying?  What are you wanting to show me?  I don’t want to come out on the other side of this trial and feel like I merely survived.  I want to be changed in the midst of it.  And most of all, I want to come out knowing the Lord in a way that I do not yet know him.  I don’t want my testimony to merely be, “We made it”, though that in and of itself seems sufficient most days.  Rather, I want my testimony to be, “We made it… and I encountered God.  We made it… and I love Him more because of it.” 

Now…  take a look at this sweet baby girl!

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Responses

  1. She looks beautiful!!!! And has had a time! We just continue to ask the Lord for wisdom and His knowledge on your behalf as to what causes her fussiness and what causes her pain. That the Lord would give you wisdom in Jesus’ name! She is so beautiful and what a trooper!!! Love you guys!

  2. I was hoping to see an update! Thanks for sharing your heart and your journey. You are my hero!!

  3. SO.DARN.CUTE!!!

  4. She is gorgeous! I can only hope I can be this reflective. You are amazing and such a great mom!

  5. These pictures make me so happy! Your heart is beautiful, eej.


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