Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | November 16, 2010

monday night

I haven’t felt like updating all day.  In fact, I haven’t felt like doing much of anything all day.  We still haven’t seen the GI team and it’s 8pm.  They ordered an upper GI tract barium x-ray this morning where they gave Hannah a bottle of barium contrast and did a series of x-rays to watch what was happening throughout her digestive tract.  Other than that, it’s been a relatively uneventful day.  Around 4pm, she took a turn for the worse in terms of her disposition and has been off and on crying/screaming for the past four hours. 

Today was the first day in which I felt like I was slipping.  I felt angry.  I felt like my heart was shutting down.  I felt weak.  I felt helpless.  To be honest, I didn’t even pray once all day.  It seemed like it would require more emotional strength than I had.  It is a horrible thing to be forced to watch your child suffer and not be able to do anything about it.  What I can do in my advocacy for her, I felt like I wasn’t doing a sufficient job.  I know that, ultimately, these things aren’t true.  In fact, if someone else were in my shoes, I would know exactly what to tell them.  I know the verses that I would encourage them with.  I know the truth that I would speak over them.  But let’s be honest, it’s a lot easier to believe for someone else than it is to believe for yourself. 

The one piece of good news is this:  Tomorrow is a new day.  And I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day.  If you read this tonight, please pray that somehow, in some way, God would console and comfort Hannah tonight and that she would feel no pain and be able to rest.  She sure needs it.

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Responses

  1. Sweet, new friend, I am praying for your precious Hannah right now.

  2. Praying for you all

  3. I randomly started reading your blog a while back. Just wanted to let you know you’re in my thoughts, and also, when I was a baby I went through many similar GI problems as Hannah.

    I can’t imagine how difficult it is to watch as a parent, but know that your baby is strong, and she will be stronger because of these trials, as will you. I don’t say that lightly, but as someone who is on the other side myself.

  4. Prayer without ceasing. Love you.

  5. “But let’s be honest, it’s a lot easier to believe for someone else than it is to believe for yourself.”

    We’ll be your “Aaron and Hur.” You’ve stood in the gap for so many others. Now we’re standing for you and Russell and Hannah.

  6. Cindy’s quote is so true. I dont know you , but I will pray. Peace to you, brother.

  7. Eej, we are praying. Praying for strength. For you guys and for Hannah. Praying for wisdom from heaven for the docs. We love you.

  8. Maybe your job right now is to just hold her snuggly in your arms and let Russell hold both of you snuggly. Sometimes advocating might be as simple as that. Love you guys. Wish we could help in a much more tangible way.

  9. Absolutely praying for you and Hannah, EJ. God meets us in the absolute darkness when there seems to be nothing left to hold on to or reach out for. That is where He is. At the bottom. The depth of love.

    I’m with you in prayer, friend.

  10. Dear Eliza Joy – we have been reading and praying – we are praying for you and Hannah and Russell around the clock – precious one – know that you are indeed surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses lifting you and your family and the medical folks to God’s Throne of Grace and Mercy – write down the names of those who you know are praying for you and your family – you are not alone – God is faithful and He promised he will never leave you – when you are weak He is strong . . . . continued prayers xoxo


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