it doesn’t get much better…

A defining moment in my life was when I had the opportunity to go on my first missions trip to Honduras the summer after my second year of college.  I had an incredible time with a small team of people from Christ Community Church.  We spent our days driving into tiny villages surrounding the capital of Tegucigalpa and performing medical clinics for the people there.  Many of the people we encountered had not seen a doctor or dentist since the last time a team from Christ Community had come to their village.   What stood out to me most, however, was the new-to-me feeling of being able to love someone so much.  I absolutely fell in love with the children there.  Though my official job was to sign people in and take their blood pressure, I often got sidetracked playing with the children, holding them and kissing them.  After a few messy years in my life where I was often confronted with my inability to love people well, this trip was like a breath of fresh air.  I learned that love is not something that I can muster up on my own.  It’s not just an emotion that comes sputtering out.  It’s something divine and holy.  Most importantly, it’s something that is dropped into our hearts from God, the One who is Love.

Fast forward 6 years to Hannah’s arrival.  I have never been much of a baby person and to be honest, I was really nervous about becoming a mother, especially to a newborn.  You see, I’m a verbal person.  I LOVE conversations.  I love sitting down across from somebody and catching up on life.  So the thought of having a one-sided relationship with a baby who doesn’t do much besides coo and poop was daunting.

Here’s the good news.  I am absolutely, head-over-heels, did not know I could feel this way, willing to do anything for, in love with my little bean.  Not because she is so cute… though that helps.  In fact, it’s not because she does anything.  It just happened.  Every night, I sneak into her room before I go to bed just to look at her sleeping in her crib.  I get as close as I can to her and kiss her cheek, hoping to not wake her up.  Sometimes, my eyes fill with tears just as I watch her breathe in and out.  I never anticipated how much I could love her.  And yet as I walk out of her room, from time to time, I just sense that whisper in my ear that says, “This is how I feel about you, too”.  It’s too difficult to comprehend but I know it’s true.  What I feel about my daughter, God feels about me…. multiplied by a million.  There is simply no better news than that.