Posted by: myroadtoemmaus | June 9, 2011

“show me more”

Pregnant with Hannah, I hoped and prayed that becoming a mother would teach me so much more about God as a Father.  I didn’t have to wait long.  This past fall was full of experiences where my eyes were opened.

As I held a screaming one-month old in the hospital and watched her endure so much pain….  This is how He must feel when I hurt.

As I snuck in night after night just to get one more glance at her sleeping body….  This is how much He must delight in us.

The list goes on and on.  As I grow in age as a mother, I grow in understanding of my Father.  This morning was no different.  As I have expressed before, I have a little girl who absolutely hates to nap.  As I carry her into her room and start to close the curtains, she begins to whimper.  As I lay her down in her crib, the whimper turns into a cry.  As I walk out of the room, she’s full out screaming.  And the screaming goes on and on and on.  As I peek through the crack in her doorway, I see her standing in her crib, holding on to the railing, tears streaming down her face, staring at the door.  We’ve tried every method that we know.  We’ve gone in every few minutes, we’ve let her cry for an hour… and we’ve tried everything in between.

This morning, knowing that she was beginning to get tired, I scooped her up and sat down with her in the rocking chair.  The wiggling began.  The squirming.  The whimpering.  She doesn’t like being constrained.  But the more she squirmed, the tighter I held her.  The battle went on for several minutes.  She was not going to relent and neither would I.  “Just stop fighting it,I wanted to tell her.  “Just stop fighting it,” He whispered to me.  “I know that you are tired.  It’s OK to rest.  Just let me hold you.”  “I know that you are tired.  It’s OK to rest.  Just let me hold you,” He echoed.  

After 10 minutes, she finally gave up, put her head on my chest and closed her eyes.  After a few seconds, she’d pop up, squirm some more and then dive bomb back into my chest.  This went on for several minutes until I finally stood up and walked her to her crib.

I walked out and the revelation came.  I’m just like her.  I want to know that my Father is near me but I don’t always like to be held.  I want to play.  I want to go.  I want to do.  And I get angry when He “walks out of the room”, even if it means that He’s in the room next door.  I want the benefit of His presence but I don’t want to have to stop what I’m doing to just sit with Him.  And while He enjoys watching me play, He loves it the most when I just sat on His lap and lay my head on His chest… when I let Him sing over me and tell me that He loves me just as I am.

The lyrics in this song say it best:

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Responses

  1. You articulate well. 🙂

  2. Yes, the tears were flowing. Thank you for a glimpse of His heart.

  3. soooooo good my friend.

  4. […] of a PilerMy friend Eliza Joy is an incredible little mom and I just loved her latest post, Show Me MoreAnd for those of you who are just dying to hear more about my five year reunion, check out Anna […]


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